What Goes in the Bengali Wedding Totto?
A wedding is incomplete without gifts. During a wedding, both the bride and the groom receive numerous gifts from the people attending the wedding and the reception. In a Bengali wedding, not just the bride and groom, but their families (at times extended families) also receive gifts. The bride’s family and the groom’s family send these gifts to each other. They are commonly referred to as ‘totto’. These gifts are exchanged as a symbol of love, respect and bonding as both the families embark on a new journey. If you ever get a chance to visit the houses of either the bride or groom’s side, then you will be able to see how all the members sit together and arrange all the gifts in different trays and decorate them.
There are two different types of totto. The first set of gifts travels from the house of the bengali groom to the bengali bride. It is known as the ‘Gaaye Holud er totto’. It is received on the day of the wedding, in the morning. The next set of gifts goes from the bengali bride’s house to the groom’s house. These are known as ‘Phul Shojjyar totto’. The groom’s family receives them on the day of the ‘bou bhaat’ or the reception.
totto Suchi
The most important thing in the totto is the totto Suchi, which is like an index. It contains the list of all the other gifts that are a part of the totto.
Mishti
A huge variety of sweets and snacks are packed into different trays. Some of them are even constructed into different shapes like a butterfly or elephant or a fish. People at times come up with their own new designs to make it look one of a kind.
Clothes
Both the families send clothes for the bride and groom that they are supposed to wear on the different days of the wedding and also for later.
Pranami
Both the bride’s and the groom’s side send some clothes (for example, sarees, salwar suit sets, shirt and/or pant pieces) for the close relatives of the bride’s and the groom’s family. This includes the parents of the bride and the groom, their siblings (if any).
Accessories
The accessories section include a huge lot of things under it, from shoes to bags, to makeup to perfume. Both the families send these to each other.
These are the things that are sent and received by both the bride and groom’s families. But there are some gifts which are sent only from either the bengali bride or the groom.
Gifts sent by Groom’s Family
Holud
Along with the Gaaye holud er totto that comes from the groom’s house, comes a bowl of turmeric paste (holud). This turmeric paste is to be applied on the bride.
Fish
A whole fish, mostly rui maachh , is decked up and sent to the bride’s house from the groom’s side. At times the fish is dressed up like a bride, having a saree draped around it or some paint put on it to decorate.
Neet-Koner Shaaj
The clothes that are to be worn by the neet-kone on the wedding are sent from the groom’s family.
Gifts sent by Bride’s Family
Phul er Shaaj
On the day of bou bhaat (reception), from the bride’s house, along with the other gifts, there are some ornaments made of flowers. Those are supposed to be worn by the bride on ‘Phul Shojjya’.
Fruits and vegetables
Numerous trays laden with seasonal fruits and vegetables are sent from the bengali bride’s house to the groom’s and vice versa.
Neet-Borer Saaj
The bride’s family sends the clothes that the neet-bor will be wearing on the day of reception.
All these items are packed on trays of various shapes and sizes, and covered with transparent or coloured cellophane papers. At times people use ribbons or other decorative items on them to make them look pretty. It is like a mini-artistic battle between a bengali bride’s and a groom’s family, as to who would pack and decorate the totto in a better way.
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